Frogs and Things

Frogs and things come out in the rain and moist air that warms as summer draws near. Termites are stupid bugs, like lemmings are stupid animals, walking off the edges of cliffs. With termites it's flying out of their holes in the mud, or maybe they were finally hatching, in a heavy downpour no less, pelted and knocked down, broken wings on the wet cement, only to become fodder for hungry frogs. The frogs seem to expect this turn of events, and they take their time hopping from roadside ferns and grass to sick their nimble tongues on hapless bugs.

My brother Sam and i, running in the rain, pause in contemplation of nature's play.

At the bird cave: goggles on, check.
Moss covered rocks everywhere - slimy ones - check.
Sam scrubs a rock clean on which to stand in the river,
tiny waterfalls trickle on the bank,
inversion rocks decompress the spine.
I watch Sam lay in bird poo but say nothing-
Me thinks he does not care.

On the shore: guitar and bamboo sticks.
Sam refuses to enter the bird cave:
"It's not even a cave," he says.
"A tiny indentation in the rock," he says.
"You made it out to be something awesome," he says.
And I laugh.
He is right.
But the the bird cave is still great,
dim and damp yes,
but silent.

I awoke and played guitar. I didn't call the costa rican girl. Instead I meditated, cleaned my apartment, cooked oatmeal. I washed dishes and then soaked beans and qinoa together. I wrote a long letter to my niece which seemed cathartic. I cooked buckwheat noodles with green pepper and potatoes and indian spices, ate it, started watching a movie, and decided to hit the river and soak up the sun. With my guitar and utter appreciation for life, I left, smiled at a little girl who I always see in our complex, and she waved to me as is her custom. She made me happy.

I got on my hog and rode into the sun, loving it. At the river I noticed the plethora of rocks and their luminescent colors, and I luxuriated in this feeling as i sloughed off the vibrations of the motorcycle. At peace I walked down, over, and sat on a rock and played guitar with passion until the sun overshot me. I decided to chase it down, so I put my guitar in a sandy nook, took off my shoes and shirt, and proceeded to slowly cross the slippery river rocks. When I got to the sun I also got to the beach area, totally secluded, and I stripped to my birthday suit, walked into the cool water, and thanked God for this life with arms upraised. I swam around until I got cold, whereupon I left the water and donned my clothes before beginning to jog around the sandy area until my body warmed significantly. I meditated as the shadows covered me and then i arose slowly, all the while appreciating every second. on my way back I found a cave, a small one mind you, but a cave of sorts, and I had to explore it. As I climbed up cautiously- mulling over the likelihood of bat- bits of rock flaked off, causing me to wonder if I might slip. At the mouth was a strange plant with green moss, mounted on one wall. I picked at it and it seemed as though it had been hung there, because it broke away so easily, not like a plant should. I left it alone. The cave was not deep, but it was moist and cool, and as I laid down and felt the energy of these rocks, my lungs opened and my breathing softened. The only sounds were those of trickling water, and I felt like this was a sensory deprivation tank, only a natural one that also healed me. I looked on the gorgeous landscape from time to time, occasionally shutting my eyes and melting away. If anyone saw me here they would be shocked to find this man laying silently on these rocks. As I healed and breathed and listened and merged, I wondered how long I would stay here. Shortly after this thought, two black birds suddenly flew into the cave in front of me, above my head on the far wall. I was startled suddenly but didn't flinch; instead I was amazed. The first perched a second, then flew off, and his companion did the same. Getting into a nearby tree- invisible to me at the time- they barked and hollered at this intruder in their house, for that is where I was. The strange mossy plant on the wall was their nest, and I had picked a chunk of it off. It lay strewn on the ground; they would soon see the wreckage if they hadn't already. I knew the time for me to leave had come, especially since the birds were keeping up their eerie barks. I apologized in my heart for damaging their home, but knew I shared karma with these birds. I also knew I would be back again sometime when they are out shopping. I came home, ate chocolate with peanut butter as I watched a bit more of the movie. I took a long hot shower, cooked my beans, and sit eating them as I write...

What is real?
The knowledge comes with pain we create.
i separate myself in time.
Pieces of me are all you see
when what i am is everything.
In this moment i am free
and i am you, and you are me.

The ocean churns and rolls about
and we are lost in thoughts,
thoughts that bind and cage,
make us feel a dance of time
that is not real-
a human perception.
i cause you pain or do i?
if all is one then i am pain
and pain is me, as is love.
so where am i, and what am i
if not this tiny ego?

We are that which abides in silence,
beyond the ocean, beyond the dance of life.
We are God.

The chaos still remains in this mind.
Men sweat away at their jobs, machines
erecting buildings outside.
My ears hear them and remind me i am still a human,
a tiny ego dancing this tiny life.
But who am i and who are you,
and what the devil does this mean?
for we are one and we are many-
we are God and yet we are tiny flecks
of God-dust.

And so it goes...
My little soul feels sorrow.
I believe i am alone.
But alone is impossible, i remind myself.
You are everything.
And if this is so then
everyone is connected.

If God is one then God is alone...

The human mind makes this idea:
that alone is undesirable,
that alone is unhappy.
The human mind sees time and space.
But in the moment i choose my reaction,
choose to see different,
choose to be the environment,
rather than be affected by it.

In the darkness of the cave i light a torch
by which to see.
The light is so bright it
casts out all shadows.
I walk a silent path
with silent thoughts,
and the walls enfold me with their peace.
Calm, i walk ahead unafraid
and hold the light inside...