i did it. Last night i drank the gnarley concoction of olive oil and grapefruit juice and boy does it leave a gross taste in your mouth, but it actually goes down easier than the epsom salts. i went immediately to bed as per the instructions, but maybe because my stomach was too empty, or maybe because i was trying to remain fixed on my right side while sleeping, i couldnt sleep. i probably went to bed about 5:30 in the morning, and my girlfriend said i kept kicking her and stealing the covers. Man i was miserable. It was an eternity of waiting for an oblivion that finally crept up, put a bagover my head, and knocked me out. i dont remember falling asleep. i do remember that when i first laid down i started itching almost immediately and worried there was a mosquito that would keep biting me all night. Turned out to be ants crawling on my legs. Much better. They eventually died off though.
So this morning i felt like i had to give birth, but before that i got myself to the fridge and drank 6 more ounces of the epsom salt and apple juice. That jump-started my bowels so fast i thought i would drop anchor on the living room rug, but i didnt.
The short of it is my innards were fully cleansed until i could only squirt water, and according to my friend who is a yoga teacher and a fasting veteran, the floating little round bits that came out were the stones, actually crystallized cholesterol, calcified salt, or a mixture of things. Pretty cool eh?
i guess i would have to recommend doing this for the experience at least once. i definitely felt cleaner, lighter, more evergetic right after. Ended up getting alot of house cleaning done this morning which i think i normally wouldnt have done. Also my meditation the last couple of days has felt clearer, more improved, much like thinking seems sharper during a fast.
Thats it for now. Tune in next time...
August 17, 2008
August 16, 2008
Apple Fast, Liver Cleanse
So im on the third day of a three day apple fast. It entails eating nothing but apples for three days and is supposed to detox your body and clean out the old pipes.
Its the first time ive done this particualr fast. First day wasnt too easy because i was a little weak, though i wasnt too hungry. Second day i felt better and trained jujitsu at night with no real fatigue. i of course drank alot of water, distilled. Today, day three, i am back to being a little weak but not too bad overall.
i stopped eating apples around 6:00 today because i am doing the liver cleanse tonight at 2:30am. To prepare for this i drank 2 six ounce doses of organic fresh-made apple juice mixed with epsom salt. Pretty disgusting. Epsom salt is super bitter and nasty, but the fast calls for it so im using it.
The grand finale at 2:30 is when i will drink a half cup of olive oil mixed with fresh-squeezed grapefruit juice. Right after drinking i will take my last leak for the night and then straight to bed, laying on my right side so as to drench my liver somehow with the oil.
Tomorrow morning i am supposed to awake and drink another six ounces of apple juice with epsom salt, at which point i will have an overwhelming urge to be purged. The most interesting part of this is that stones from the liver are actually supposed to be expelled from my body into the stool, and it doesnt get much better than that, right?
i will be sure to take photos of anything unearthly that appears.
May the force be with me...
Its the first time ive done this particualr fast. First day wasnt too easy because i was a little weak, though i wasnt too hungry. Second day i felt better and trained jujitsu at night with no real fatigue. i of course drank alot of water, distilled. Today, day three, i am back to being a little weak but not too bad overall.
i stopped eating apples around 6:00 today because i am doing the liver cleanse tonight at 2:30am. To prepare for this i drank 2 six ounce doses of organic fresh-made apple juice mixed with epsom salt. Pretty disgusting. Epsom salt is super bitter and nasty, but the fast calls for it so im using it.
The grand finale at 2:30 is when i will drink a half cup of olive oil mixed with fresh-squeezed grapefruit juice. Right after drinking i will take my last leak for the night and then straight to bed, laying on my right side so as to drench my liver somehow with the oil.
Tomorrow morning i am supposed to awake and drink another six ounces of apple juice with epsom salt, at which point i will have an overwhelming urge to be purged. The most interesting part of this is that stones from the liver are actually supposed to be expelled from my body into the stool, and it doesnt get much better than that, right?
i will be sure to take photos of anything unearthly that appears.
May the force be with me...
August 12, 2008
Poo-Flinging Monkeys
I dodged the first volley of poo. I was deep in a strange tropical forest in the mountains and i had no idea there were monkeys here. i suppose they were aggravated by me eating bananas in front of them, or getting naked to go swimming in the creek. Either way they were upset, and monkeys upset is one thing, but poo-flinging upset monkeys is quite another. Soon their friends came and i was largely outnumbered. Poo missiles rained down from trees like falling fruit and the inevitable happened. i was hit. i got pretty angry when that happened, so what else could i do? i dropped my pants and prepared to return fire, using the percolating storm i had been brewing all day, apparently for this occaision. i figured that if i could just hit the lead monkey with my poo, the others would disperse, feeling their leader had been outmatched by the greater size of my weaponry. Taking dead aim i launched at him as he bounced angrily on the branch nearest me, and just as he was opening his mouth... Whammo! Right in the kisser! i had won, humiliated him, freezing his minions in their tracks, and they started tree-hopping away, one by one, ashamed looks on their hairy little faces.
This didnt really happen, but you can imagine what it'd be like if it did, right?
The real story is almost as good, and it did involve nudity and bananas at some points. My friend Gary moved up to the mountains once upon a time in the hills behind the Taipei City Zoo, which is a pretty sparsely populated area just outside of Taipei. Basically he lives in a shack in the woods. It had no walls when his roommate moved in, so they both have constructed walls out of throwaway vinyl sheets that had once served as billboards. Pretty durable stuff actually. They even hold up in a typhoon, which is a big necessity in Taiwan. Gary and his Chinese roomy have 6 dogs, two cats, a venomous snake, and they even had a ferret until it ran away. The place is sweet. Gary built his own loft complete with tatami mats, a small window with no glass, and a mosquito net (but oddly enough he says there are no mosquitos, so he doesnt use the net)
Nearby the shack is an old trail, part of which is made of stones set into the hill. But the stones soon disappear, giving way to a shoddy narrow path that seems as though it has not been traversed in years, with the exception of ourselves. Ferns and things grow over it so that one worries about lurking snakes. But if one chooses to avoid the path then they can go rock hopping up the middle of the creek which leads to Monkey Village- that is what i have dubbed it.
The other day we brought our girlfriends to a swimming hole at the top of the creek. Here there is a waterfall which cascades down long sheer rocks into the pool below. Nobody goes there. The place is completely isolated and untouched by man. It is so unbelievably beautiful there. A virtual paradise. There is moss growing on most of the rocks, the water is clean and drinkable, and above the pool are all kinds of trees with vines hanging down like ropes.
So we were sitting there relaxing, Gary and his girlfriend in the hammock that Gary put up between two trees, me with my girlfriend lying on a long flat mossy rock, enjoying the last rays of the sun. Suddenly we started hearing weird chirping or barking noises. Not knowing what to make of them we looked up into the trees and scanned the area until my girlfriend pointed out with glee that a monkey was jumping from one bending branch to another. i saw him, a small and curious thing, a round head and grey hair with big eyes. Then i heard more, started seeing more, and more and more. i looked farther away from us, high above the rocks and further into the forest and saw 4 or 5 moving together on the ground. One in a nearby tree started bouncing up and down aggressively on his branch and staring at us as if he wanted a response, like why the hell were we here? So i took out a banana and ate it in front of him, just becuase it seemed appropriate. Stupid monkey. What are you gonna do about it? Their numbers seemed to increase until i wasnt sure how many there were. i guess somewhere in the neighborhood of 20. After Gary and his woman left, me and mine kept hearing a barking sound almost right above our heads to the left of the pool, and it sounded like they were moving in for an attack, but we could not see them. Finally we did, perched high above in some trees, waiting, looking, probably thinking about flinging some poo, though fortunately for them they didnt.
The place is now even more awesome than before. Monkeys, our monkeys. i marveled at the little silly beasts, relishing in the fact that i am smarter than them, and being happy that they were there to entertain me with their monkeyness. i mean who gets to see monkeys do wild things in the wild like this?! It is awesome. i will go to this place whenever i can and spend time with them, get to know them. Who knows, maybe they will want to come home with me and be my monkey friends. Dont you want to have a monkey friend?
This didnt really happen, but you can imagine what it'd be like if it did, right?
The real story is almost as good, and it did involve nudity and bananas at some points. My friend Gary moved up to the mountains once upon a time in the hills behind the Taipei City Zoo, which is a pretty sparsely populated area just outside of Taipei. Basically he lives in a shack in the woods. It had no walls when his roommate moved in, so they both have constructed walls out of throwaway vinyl sheets that had once served as billboards. Pretty durable stuff actually. They even hold up in a typhoon, which is a big necessity in Taiwan. Gary and his Chinese roomy have 6 dogs, two cats, a venomous snake, and they even had a ferret until it ran away. The place is sweet. Gary built his own loft complete with tatami mats, a small window with no glass, and a mosquito net (but oddly enough he says there are no mosquitos, so he doesnt use the net)
Nearby the shack is an old trail, part of which is made of stones set into the hill. But the stones soon disappear, giving way to a shoddy narrow path that seems as though it has not been traversed in years, with the exception of ourselves. Ferns and things grow over it so that one worries about lurking snakes. But if one chooses to avoid the path then they can go rock hopping up the middle of the creek which leads to Monkey Village- that is what i have dubbed it.
The other day we brought our girlfriends to a swimming hole at the top of the creek. Here there is a waterfall which cascades down long sheer rocks into the pool below. Nobody goes there. The place is completely isolated and untouched by man. It is so unbelievably beautiful there. A virtual paradise. There is moss growing on most of the rocks, the water is clean and drinkable, and above the pool are all kinds of trees with vines hanging down like ropes.
So we were sitting there relaxing, Gary and his girlfriend in the hammock that Gary put up between two trees, me with my girlfriend lying on a long flat mossy rock, enjoying the last rays of the sun. Suddenly we started hearing weird chirping or barking noises. Not knowing what to make of them we looked up into the trees and scanned the area until my girlfriend pointed out with glee that a monkey was jumping from one bending branch to another. i saw him, a small and curious thing, a round head and grey hair with big eyes. Then i heard more, started seeing more, and more and more. i looked farther away from us, high above the rocks and further into the forest and saw 4 or 5 moving together on the ground. One in a nearby tree started bouncing up and down aggressively on his branch and staring at us as if he wanted a response, like why the hell were we here? So i took out a banana and ate it in front of him, just becuase it seemed appropriate. Stupid monkey. What are you gonna do about it? Their numbers seemed to increase until i wasnt sure how many there were. i guess somewhere in the neighborhood of 20. After Gary and his woman left, me and mine kept hearing a barking sound almost right above our heads to the left of the pool, and it sounded like they were moving in for an attack, but we could not see them. Finally we did, perched high above in some trees, waiting, looking, probably thinking about flinging some poo, though fortunately for them they didnt.
The place is now even more awesome than before. Monkeys, our monkeys. i marveled at the little silly beasts, relishing in the fact that i am smarter than them, and being happy that they were there to entertain me with their monkeyness. i mean who gets to see monkeys do wild things in the wild like this?! It is awesome. i will go to this place whenever i can and spend time with them, get to know them. Who knows, maybe they will want to come home with me and be my monkey friends. Dont you want to have a monkey friend?
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